DBT Wk 1 - States of Mind

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Week 1 - States of Mind

In the Venn Diagram of our minds, there is an Emotional Mind circle and a Reasonable Mind circle, where the two meet is the Wise Mind.

The Emotional Mind is only emotions, no thought process behind it. It only sees the "What" that is happening to you. The Reasonable Mind is the dialog and thoughts of why the thing is happening. The Wise Mind is where they come together to form the how you will react to the thing happening.

It is such that if there is not time for the Reasonable mind, then we don't reach Wise mind and only emotions come forth. This is why we are urged by so many to stop, understand, process, then act or speak.

Here are the examples given for "Negative" Events (We'll talk about the "label" later) :

    1. Asking for help at work
    Emotional Mind (Identifying the related emotions):
    • Disappointed and frustrated with self
    • Scared about the future
    Reasonable Mind (Internal dialog of processing)
    • I am sorry to ask this, but I need help . . .
    • I know it's not your job, don't hate me . . .
    • What happens when I do have more time and I still "fail"?
    Wise Mind (Actions)
    • Positive Self talk --> Everyone needs help sometimes.
    • Actively listen to the team's tone expressing understanding that we are human

    2. Losing patience when teaching others
    Emotional Mind (Identifying the related emotions):
    • Annoyed and frustrated at person
    • Disappointed in self
    Reasonable Mind (Internal dialog of processing)
    • I've done this as many times as you, why don't you understand?
    • Your questions show that you expect more of me than you
    • What if I use the wrong tone and end up getting fired?
    Wise Mind (Actions)
    • Positive Self talk --> Everyone gets frustrated at times.
    • Work to understand the other person is human --> Everyone needs help sometimes.

    3. Wasting other people's time
    Emotional Mind (Identifying the related emotions):
    • Disappointed, annoyed, and frustrated with self
    • Scared about relationships
    Reasonable Mind (Internal dialog of processing)
    • I'm sorry for wasting your time.
    • What happens if I create too many meetings where I am wasting other people's time?
    • What happens if people start to think I am a fraud?
    Wise Mind (Actions)
    • Positive Self talk --> I didn't cause the issue.
    • Recognize that other people are able to manage their own time and step out if needed.

One of the things that should be noted is that: emotions are not good or bad; they are notifiers. They inform us of a potentially happy, sad, dangerous, etc. situation. For example, feeling disappointed in yourself isn't "bad" - in fact if you flip it around it's really helpful, because it tells you that you feel you are worth better.

Homework

Try to write out the three minds for an interaction this week twice after two incidents and then once during an incident.